Stop cancelling plans last minute.
I can't figure out why I always want to cancel plans last-minute. There are physical symptoms of anxiety but I usually feel even worse after doing it.
I love hanging out with my friends, and I always have a good time when I’m with them. Yet, I can’t figure out why I get this inner voice in head, saying, “Don’t go. Stay home and rest.” every time before a hangout. My stomach hurts and my muscle becomes tense.
Then I get this urge to text my friends that, “Sorry, I’m not feeling so well. Can we reschedule?” My friends are nice people so of course they’d say yes all the time.
I feel guilty for not keeping my promise to meet them; I feel bad for being “flaky”; I’m fearful of being perceived as a unreliable person. I face all these negative emotions after canceling plans and my head gets noisy.
I was genuinely excited to meet my friends when I made plans with them, and felt really good about it, what has gone wrong?
I never told this to my psychiatrist, I probably forgot to. So I’m eager to learn the reasons behind this behaviour and urge. I don’t want to feel this cycle of negative emotions every time I make plans with others.
According to TalkSpace, a mental health resources platform, there are multiple psychological conditions that lead to people flaking on plans, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and personality disorder, etc. I don’t want to self-diagnose myself, but I do have a history of depression, and when I was in my darkest times, I flaked all the time.
Maybe I’m overthinking, but I’m worried about the possibility of a depression relapse. Still, I’m trying to control my urge to engage in behaviours that I engaged in when I was depressed; I’m always trying to pull myself away from that spiral.
I have a dinner plan tonight. It’s my friend’s birthday today. It’s windy and snowy outside and I’m tired from working 9-5. The voice in my head tells me not to go, my stomach is hurting a bit. But I don’t want to do that anymore; I don’t want to be a flaky/reliable person; I am a person with commitment.
That’s what I’m going to do tonight: resist the inner voice and urge, take an Uber, meet my friends, and have a good time.
I can do it. I will keep my promise.
Support!!!